Strength without a god - it happens!

I recently had a death in my family. After a beautiful funeral with singing and lovely stories, and frequent references to God that weren't oppressive or excluding, a minister closed the service with a short sermon. As he spoke, I had to suppress a lot of anger and put it away to think about for another time - I didn't want what had been a really special service to be ruined by his inappropriate, even cruel, ideas. 

The minister's central message was about how anything good came from his god, how all strength came from his god, and how love and goodness were IMPOSSIBLE without his god. He was adamant that those who don't believe in such cannot have strength and cannot experience love. 

All of that is bollocks and it insults those of us who have never found strength, nor love, nor anything, via a belief in a god. 

Love is real. It is not imaginary. Love is a bond in someone or to something. To love is to cherish a person or thing. A person's feelings of love can be based in romantic or sexual feelings, but it also can be experienced without those - it can be based in someone or something that is inspiring or comforting or delightful. It is beyond affection - it is a feeling that generates acts of loyalty, devotion, concern, even obligation on the part of the person who loves. 

At its best, love inspires us to care and to have compassion. At its best, it is what the Bible says it is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." It absolutely can protect, build trust, cultivate hope, and, yes, persevere - but I disagree that it always does those things, as the Bible says. Love takes work and, indeed, love can fade, or even end.  

In 2005, a research team published a groundbreaking study that included the first functional MRI (fMRI) images of the brains of individuals in the throes of romantic love. The team analyzed 2,500 brain scans of college students who viewed pictures of someone special to them and compared the scans to ones taken when the students looked at pictures of acquaintances. Photos of people they romantically loved caused the participants’ brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine, the so-called feel-good neurotransmitter. 

Music is universally accepted as something helpful during stressful and traumatizing periods, and people embraced the music they loved as COVID-19 spread insidiously around the globe during the Spring of 2020, as people sang to each other from their balconies, performed virtual fundraising concerts, created both silly and serious tunes about hand washing, physical distancing, and other aspects of pandemic life. 

Habitat for Humanity does amazing work, and central to that work is that it "brings people together to build homes, communities and hope." Habitat says that it does that work because it is "seeking to put God’s love into action." But you can take "God's" out and it still makes perfect sense to me, a secular humanist: putting love into action to bring people together to build homes, communities and hope.

As I have noted in other blogs, I had several moments of severe hopelessness as a teen, as I tried to navigate a dysfunctional home, an abusive parent, and other family members who avoided even acknowledging what was happening, let alone facing it. Trying to believe in a god and praying to, desperately, for help and strength left me feeling even more alone, more despondent, more hopeless. It made me feel like a failure. It never helped. What got me through those times, instead, what gave me strength to get through it and away from it, was slowly letting go of seeking help from something unseen and unfelt, and instead realizing and discovering and feeling and slowly cultivating my own sense of self, and liking myself, and seeing people survive and thrive through a great deal of hard work - no prayers necessary. It was seeing the world as something so much bigger than any religion defined it. It was seeing the universe as neutral, not as a thinking being, with feelings, but just as reality, with no judgement, with no intent, but full of possibilities - far more than any religion ever promised. 

Atheists/secular humanists don't think poorly or unkindly of people who find comfort in a belief in an invisible, magical friend. But many of us cringe at people saying, "We survived because God was looking out for us," thinking about just how much that statement hurts parents who lost a child - they've just been told God wasn't looking out for their little one. And I do think poorly of someone who would say at a funeral, without knowing everyone there, that strength and love come exclusively from a god. 

Love can be a source of strength, and both are absolutely possible WITHOUT A BELIEF IN A GOD. 

Also see 

Why I love being an atheist

The power & the glory of hope, WITHOUT a God

Your skills, talents & time are needed: volunteer

No matter where you are, there are people and environments around you that need you, that would welcome you, as a volunteer through a range of nonprofit organizations. 

Habitat for Humanity is a Christian organization, but did you know that 

• they welcome anyone, including atheists, to participate in their house building and neighborhood restorations, 
• they have zero religious requirements regarding clients and, therefore, have helped Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, Hindus and, yes, Atheists? 
• they work on the legislative level to address, through public policy and legislation, both equitable access to home ownership and historical barriers to home ownership by various minority groups?
• they are one of the most passionate and active anti-racist organizations anywhere?
• they are becoming more and more active in the green-building movement?

I've volunteered with my local Habitat affiliate, and except for one volunteer, one white guy, who insists on praying before we start a build, I have felt absolutely comfortable and welcomed. And I love being engaged with an organization that does all of the above. 

Goodwill is focused on helping people enter or re-enter the workforce. Goodwill thrift stores are their main fundraising tool for that work, in addition to providing a space for their clients to get work experience. Your local Goodwill may have ESL classes, computer classes, resumé writing classes and more they would love your help with. 

There are refugees and immigrants in your community. Yes, really. And there's a nonprofit that's trying to help them. You could drive immigrants to a grocery store, show them how to use mass transit, help them with school entrollment paperwork, help them move, help them with a job application and so much more. Any search engine will help you find nonprofits helping immigrants in your area. 

Food banks, Meals on Wheels, a local community theater, your local public library, a dog breed rescue group, a women's shelter, a homeless shelter, a local watershed, a local state park, a local national park - all need and welcome volunteers. 

Go volunteer. Go volunteer for just a day and see how you like it. Volunteer in a cause you care about. Volunteer so you don't feel helpless. Volunteer to become better edcuated about a cause you care about. 

Volunteer. 

Still here. Just not sure what to say

I am still here! Still finding inspiration and wonder in the world, despite all of the many bad things: a felon President committing more felonies, an electorate that put him there, all that's happening in Gaza and Afghanistan and the DAR and Sudan and on and on. Very hard to find hope these days, no question. 

You can't fight this alone. And I'm not going to tell you how to fight it because I don't really know myself. I keep reading about "keep fighting" and "keep resisting" and I've no idea what that looks like right now. So whatever YOU find, and you believe its productive and it is within your ethical framework and you are comfortable with the risks and potential negative consequences that come with the action, I guess... go for it? Just please don't engage in violence against people. Please don't. 

What's also important is staying mentally healthy right now. It's vitally important, actually. 

I think some keys right now to staying afloat are:

• NOT disengaging, but not ALWAYS engaging. Pick a time for news reading or watching and an amount of time for doing it and then turn it off. 
• Get outside - unless you feel you may be targeted for deportation. Walk around your neighborhood. Walk in public parks. Get that winter and rain gear on and get outside even when the weather bites. Get your head clear. 
• Lean on things like getting outside, being with people that love you, listening to music and doing things you enjoy rather than alcohol or cannabis. Don't lean on those. 
• Read books. 
• Watch PBS. If you aren't already giving, give $5 a month so you can get a subscription to their on-demand channel, Passport, and watch some things good for your mind and soul. 
• Look for community events to attend that bring you together with people who are not fascists - but, of course, only if you don't fear deportation. Go to events at the library. At the community theater. At the nearest university. Hosted by a nonprofit that supports refugees or LBGTQ people. 

I hope that, if you can, that you will keep track of what federal actions are hurting people, and reach out to those people affected. There are plenty of nonprofits that can help you do this. 

Dark times. Look for the light. Go to the light. 

Why Did God Create Atheists? - from Tales of the Hasidim

Why Did God Create Atheists?

There is a famous story told in Chassidic literature that addresses this very question. The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.

One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?” The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all — the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”

“This means,” the Master continued “that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’”

Martin Buber. Tales of the Hasidim. Schocken Books. (1964)

Trying to stay human while watching the Israeli - Palestinian conflict

Watching the most recent violence in the Israeli - Palestinian conflict is gut-wrenching. 

Nations that identify with a particular religion make me uncomfortable - the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Islamic Republic of Mauritania, the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan... as much as I understand the desire for a Jewish homeland, given the centuries of persecution people of the Jewish faith have experienced, let alone the Shoah itself, there is a part of me that isn't comfortable with a Jewish state, just as I am not comfortable with all those Islamic Republics. 

Still, I get it: various people, communities and civilizations have tried to murder all Jews for centuries. I see why there is a desire for a country that is dedicated to the preservation of all who identify as Jewish, which is more than a religion for many people - it's an ancient diverse culture and people who identify with it may not be religious at all.

But even if I agree that the Jewish state of Israel has a right to exist, I am absolutely opposed to the settlements in the West Bank. I am appalled at the continuing land grab and the violence regularly perpetuated by Jewish settlers against Palestinian Muslims and Christians who have been on that land for generations, who have every right to be on that land. The expulsions of Palestinians from land Israel claims is abhorrent. 

And with that said, I am beyond disgusted, outraged, appalled and horrified at this latest Hamas act of terror and murder: the attack on attendees at the Supernova music festival. This violence is INEXCUSABLE. If you believe that Hamas and Israel are at war, then you must also acknowledge that this attack was a war crime. It most definitely was a crime against humanity. 

And with all THAT said, Israel's murderous response isn't going to make any Israeli safer. It is an act of vengeance, not a war strategy. 

I hear both sides talking about the eradication of the other. I hear both sides saying their dead children matter and the other side's dead children aren't their fault. I hear both sides characterizing the other as animals, as sub human. 

This sums up how I'm feeling:

To the people celebrating the mass murder of Israeli civilians, you have lost your humanity. To the people enthusiastically calling for Israel to decimate Gaza, densely populated with 2 million Palestinian civilians, you have lost your humanity. Israelis and Palestinians are real people, just like you and me.

- Dov Waxman, Professor @ UCLA; Gilbert Foundation Chair of Israel Studies, & Director of Y&S Nazarian Center for Israel Studies.

I don't know what the answer is. But I'm going to do all I can to stay human and hope that there are people in Israel and Palestine who don't hate each other, who believe it's possible to co-exist, and who are ready to call out the crimes of their own people. 

Wildly impractical moments

There's a good essay in the Washington Post, published in August of this year by a woman who is dying from a rare and aggressive cancer. It sounds like that she both found out she had the disease and that it is advanced, incurable and that she has just a few months to live all at the same time. 

She notes, "My prognosis has left me shocked, sad, angry and confused. I wake up some mornings raging at the universe, feeling betrayed by my own body, counting the years and the milestones I expected to enjoy with my family... I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life, and in addition to the horror, a surprising feeling has taken hold: I am dying at age 49 without any regrets about the way I’ve lived my life."

I don't expect people who have disabilities or who are terminally ill should ever expect to be an inspiration for the rest of us. Not all of them have this person's perspective nor experience. But I find her outlook on her life's choices really inspiring. 

After noting her very happy marriage and a particularly successful career pursuit, she says,

I’ve always tried to say yes to the voice that tells me I should go out and do something now, even when that decision seems wildly impractical. A few years ago, with very little planning, my family and I got in a car and drove 600 miles to a goat farm in central Oregon, where we camped out for four days to watch a solar eclipse. I once jetted off to Germany on two days’ notice, spending a week exploring Dresden and hiking through the Black Forest...

The end of my life is coming much too soon, and my diagnosis can at times feel too difficult to bear. But I’ve learned that life is all about a series of moments, and I plan to spend as much remaining time as I can savoring each one, surrounded by the beauty of nature and my family and friends. Thankfully, this is the way I’ve always tried to live my life.

Of course not all of us can do what she's done, like live in one of the most unaffordable parts of the USA, or even run off to Germany, for that matter. Not caring about money isn't just a choice - it's a luxury not everyone can afford. She could buy that airline ticket, she could pay for that gas to drive up to Oregon and back - so many cannot. 

But I'm focusing on the idea that, indeed, sometimes, doing something that is wildly impractical is just what you need. It doesn't have to come with a big bill either. 

I have a friend that has always wanted to learn Italian. She loves all things Italian. When I said, "Why don't you sign up on Duolingo and learn Italian?" she replied, "I really should learn something useful, like Spanish. They only speak Italian in Italy." If you feel inspired to learn Italian, LEARN ITALIAN! Just do it for the sake of doing it! 

Take class on baking. Or wood working. Or smithing. 

Go see that band you have ALWAYS wanted to but keep thinking, oh, it's so much trouble and I can't afford it - cancel all your streaming subscriptions for a couple of months and DO IT. 

Always wanted to learn to play piano? Whether you are 20 or 50 or 70 - do it! Free pianos are easy to find - so many people want to get rid of pianos. All you have to pay is the movers to get such to your house. Buy some how to books and get going! 

And say "yes" to more invitations. Say yes to going to dinner, say yes to going to the movies, say yes to going for a walk, say yes to going somewhere for a cookout. There are a limited number of beautiful days. There are a limited number of days you will be able to walk. There are a limited number of days you will have with family and friends. I know it's fashionable to celebrate being an introvert, and certainly you should avoid toxic people, but the people I know who always say no to everything are miserable. I love cocooning at home too, more often than I should, but I have been so thankful when I've gone out, whether for a walk around a lake or to go see Barbie. 

I know that I have lived more than half of the life I will live. I can't say I don't have any regrets. But I can say that I've experienced many wonderful things. Some of those pursuits have gotten mocked: I'll never forget the sibling who dressed me down for traveling so much ("An absolute waste of money!"). He's wrong, of course. I love looking at photos from my life. I love reading journal entries I've written over the years. And I'm looking forward to more wildly impractical moments. 

Some recommended readings from two other atheists

Some recommended readings from two other atheists:

Bruce Gerencser is a blogger, a humanist and an atheist. He pastored evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a He's 62, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 41 years. He and his wife have six grown children and twelve grandchildren. 

Here's one of his blogs from 2019 I just discovered and I really love: Christian Explanations for Why Bad Things Happen. If you grow up in a Bible-believing society, as I did, you get all the reasoning he lists thrown at you whenever something bad happens in your life. The mental and spiritual gymnastics of believers is astonishing - and so profoundly hurtful when you are going through a crisis. 

And in the Richard Dawkins is still a dick department, we have this blog from the Friendly Atheist noting that Richard Dawkins used his new podcast to promote more transphobic lies. 

I remain flabbergasted by that man's refusal to believe in science. He's a freakin' scientist! He's supposed to be a biologist - and he ignores biology! Regardless of how you feel about people identifying as transgender - and for the record, I have some feelings about it, feelings that I know would hurt the feelings of some of my more activist friends - no one can say with any grain of truth that transgender doesn't exist in humans and other species. Even if you think some people who say they are transgender aren't really transgender, you cannot honestly deny that transgender does not exist in other species! Because IT DOES EXIST. Regardless of your feelings, that FACT is undeniable. If you are transgender, especially if you are a young person, please hear me clearly: not all atheists are assholes like Richard Dawkins. You exist, you are real, you are transgender, being transgender is not imaginary or a fad, I will use whatever pronouns you want me to, and I hope you are pursuing living your best life.