Need a strategy for approaching a deeply-religious community? Talk to the Atheist.

I know people don't believe me when I say that I'm Atheist but that I also have a deep, rich understanding of faith-based, even very religiously-conservative, communities and congregations.

If you have read my past blogs, you know that I was not raised as an Atheist. Rather, I was raised in a rural part of the USA, in the Bible Belt, as a Baptist who often went to a Methodist church, and went to a lot of different churches per their special events, like revivals. 

The big religious divide where I'm from, at least at the time, was between Catholics and those that weren't Catholics. I grew up hearing how Catholics weren't really Christian, because they did this or that and it wasn't in the Bible, or went against what the Bible said (like idol worship). I also had Catholic friends who told me they were sad because we wouldn't be in heaven together, since I wasn't Catholic. I hesitate to call non-Catholics Protestants because I know so many Christians that hate that term: they don't feel their religion was ever a part of Catholicism but, in fact, was how the Disciples followed Christ, and that's where their religious practice comes from. 

Did you know any of that? I know a lot of Christians that don't know any of that. But I know all that and more. Yup, the Atheist knows that. 

As a teen, I babysat a LOT. One of the families I worked for was Catholic. One evening, I taught their little girl some songs I knew, like "Deep and Wide" and "Zacchaeus was a wee little man," songs that have hand movements that go along with them. I learned them in Sunday School and at summer Vacation Bible School. The mom later told me she was thrilled, because in the Catholic Church, they didn't have VBS (they do now), they didn't have children's songs, and she always loved the Protestant songs but didn't really know them enough to teach her daughter. 

Did you know that about the history of VBS? A lot of Christians I talk to don't know it. The Atheist knows it. 

I grew up going to a church at least once a week - sometimes twice (for Wednesday night services, a youth group event, for choir practice, etc.). I went to revivals at different churches - that wasn't at all unusual where I was from, to head over to the Church of the Nazarene for a week of youth revival, even though I didn't go to that church, for instance. 

Did you know that about the fluidity of different church attendance by a lot of Christians, particularly in the South? The Atheist knows it. 

I worked for a while in an Islamic country. There was a prayer before every large staff meeting. One of my co-workers from Germany said it really put her "off." I just shrugged: I was used to prayers before large meetings at government functions and public functions where I grew up in rural USA. At this job in this Islamic country, I was the foreign staff member who always remembered to put prayer time at the start of certain meeting agendas - all the other foreign staff always forgot. 

Yes, me. The Atheist. I'm the one who remembered that. 

Surveys over and over show that Atheists know more about religions than the religious. My knowledge of Christianity is a combination of growing up in the Bible belt and being intensely curious and an avid reader. I never just followed the ceremony or ritual - I wanted to know why and asked a ton of questions and re-read sections in our encyclopedia about religions set over and over. And I didn't read just one Bible - I read different translations of the Bible. I argued in Sunday School with the teacher about interpretations she was teaching. Part of the reason I gave up on Christianity was because I read and studied it so intensely. 

My curiosity led me to read the texts and teachings and history of other religions over the years: Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism. It was a shock to my young self to learn that these religions were just as divided and in conflict with each other as so many different sects of Christianity were. It was also a shock to see that they all primarily wanted obedience to religious rules rather than adherence to to being a good person to other people and the environment - they all teach that compliance with the religion is of far greater value than being kind to others, even non-believers. In my 40s, I worked with several people who followed the Baháʼí religion - another fascinating religion with it's own set of beliefs and values. 

I have delighted in learning from Jewish, Muslim and Baháʼí friends, colleagues and communities, particularly abroad. I hope to have similar experiences regarding Hindusim and Buddhism abroad. Why? Because I'm curious. Also, because very often, food is involved. And I am staunchly pro food. 

But as a result of all this, I'm the one who, when organizing the community meeting, will bring up that we might want to phrase something differently, because of how the very traditional community we're about to talk to might not like the wording. Or say we should emphasize this community benefit over the others, because that's what these folks value most - and it's very different than how we, the staff, might think about it. And I'm the one, at Habitat for Humanity events, that has to remind staff that they might want to have a prayer before they start - it being a Christian-based organization and all... 

Yup. Me. The Atheist. 

Strength without a god - it happens!

I recently had a death in my family. After a beautiful funeral with singing and lovely stories, and frequent references to God that weren't oppressive or excluding, a minister closed the service with a short sermon. As he spoke, I had to suppress a lot of anger and put it away to think about for another time - I didn't want what had been a really special service to be ruined by his inappropriate, even cruel, ideas. 

The minister's central message was about how anything good came from his god, how all strength came from his god, and how love and goodness were IMPOSSIBLE without his god. He was adamant that those who don't believe in such cannot have strength and cannot experience love. 

All of that is bollocks and it insults those of us who have never found strength, nor love, nor anything, via a belief in a god. 

Love is real. It is not imaginary. Love is a bond in someone or to something. To love is to cherish a person or thing. A person's feelings of love can be based in romantic or sexual feelings, but it also can be experienced without those - it can be based in someone or something that is inspiring or comforting or delightful. It is beyond affection - it is a feeling that generates acts of loyalty, devotion, concern, even obligation on the part of the person who loves. 

At its best, love inspires us to care and to have compassion. At its best, it is what the Bible says it is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." It absolutely can protect, build trust, cultivate hope, and, yes, persevere - but I disagree that it always does those things, as the Bible says. Love takes work and, indeed, love can fade, or even end.  

In 2005, a research team published a groundbreaking study that included the first functional MRI (fMRI) images of the brains of individuals in the throes of romantic love. The team analyzed 2,500 brain scans of college students who viewed pictures of someone special to them and compared the scans to ones taken when the students looked at pictures of acquaintances. Photos of people they romantically loved caused the participants’ brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine, the so-called feel-good neurotransmitter. 

Music is universally accepted as something helpful during stressful and traumatizing periods, and people embraced the music they loved as COVID-19 spread insidiously around the globe during the Spring of 2020, as people sang to each other from their balconies, performed virtual fundraising concerts, created both silly and serious tunes about hand washing, physical distancing, and other aspects of pandemic life. 

Habitat for Humanity does amazing work, and central to that work is that it "brings people together to build homes, communities and hope." Habitat says that it does that work because it is "seeking to put God’s love into action." But you can take "God's" out and it still makes perfect sense to me, a secular humanist: putting love into action to bring people together to build homes, communities and hope.

As I have noted in other blogs, I had several moments of severe hopelessness as a teen, as I tried to navigate a dysfunctional home, an abusive parent, and other family members who avoided even acknowledging what was happening, let alone facing it. Trying to believe in a god and praying to, desperately, for help and strength left me feeling even more alone, more despondent, more hopeless. It made me feel like a failure. It never helped. What got me through those times, instead, what gave me strength to get through it and away from it, was slowly letting go of seeking help from something unseen and unfelt, and instead realizing and discovering and feeling and slowly cultivating my own sense of self, and liking myself, and seeing people survive and thrive through a great deal of hard work - no prayers necessary. It was seeing the world as something so much bigger than any religion defined it. It was seeing the universe as neutral, not as a thinking being, with feelings, but just as reality, with no judgement, with no intent, but full of possibilities - far more than any religion ever promised. 

Atheists/secular humanists don't think poorly or unkindly of people who find comfort in a belief in an invisible, magical friend. But many of us cringe at people saying, "We survived because God was looking out for us," thinking about just how much that statement hurts parents who lost a child - they've just been told God wasn't looking out for their little one. And I do think poorly of someone who would say at a funeral, without knowing everyone there, that strength and love come exclusively from a god. 

Love can be a source of strength, and both are absolutely possible WITHOUT A BELIEF IN A GOD. 

Also see 

Why I love being an atheist

The power & the glory of hope, WITHOUT a God

Your skills, talents & time are needed: volunteer

No matter where you are, there are people and environments around you that need you, that would welcome you, as a volunteer through a range of nonprofit organizations. 

Habitat for Humanity is a Christian organization, but did you know that 

• they welcome anyone, including atheists, to participate in their house building and neighborhood restorations, 
• they have zero religious requirements regarding clients and, therefore, have helped Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, Hindus and, yes, Atheists? 
• they work on the legislative level to address, through public policy and legislation, both equitable access to home ownership and historical barriers to home ownership by various minority groups?
• they are one of the most passionate and active anti-racist organizations anywhere?
• they are becoming more and more active in the green-building movement?

I've volunteered with my local Habitat affiliate, and except for one volunteer, one white guy, who insists on praying before we start a build, I have felt absolutely comfortable and welcomed. And I love being engaged with an organization that does all of the above. 

Goodwill is focused on helping people enter or re-enter the workforce. Goodwill thrift stores are their main fundraising tool for that work, in addition to providing a space for their clients to get work experience. Your local Goodwill may have ESL classes, computer classes, resumé writing classes and more they would love your help with. 

There are refugees and immigrants in your community. Yes, really. And there's a nonprofit that's trying to help them. You could drive immigrants to a grocery store, show them how to use mass transit, help them with school entrollment paperwork, help them move, help them with a job application and so much more. Any search engine will help you find nonprofits helping immigrants in your area. 

Food banks, Meals on Wheels, a local community theater, your local public library, a dog breed rescue group, a women's shelter, a homeless shelter, a local watershed, a local state park, a local national park - all need and welcome volunteers. 

Go volunteer. Go volunteer for just a day and see how you like it. Volunteer in a cause you care about. Volunteer so you don't feel helpless. Volunteer to become better edcuated about a cause you care about. 

Volunteer. 

Still here. Just not sure what to say

I am still here! Still finding inspiration and wonder in the world, despite all of the many bad things: a felon President committing more felonies, an electorate that put him there, all that's happening in Gaza and Afghanistan and the DAR and Sudan and on and on. Very hard to find hope these days, no question. 

You can't fight this alone. And I'm not going to tell you how to fight it because I don't really know myself. I keep reading about "keep fighting" and "keep resisting" and I've no idea what that looks like right now. So whatever YOU find, and you believe its productive and it is within your ethical framework and you are comfortable with the risks and potential negative consequences that come with the action, I guess... go for it? Just please don't engage in violence against people. Please don't. 

What's also important is staying mentally healthy right now. It's vitally important, actually. 

I think some keys right now to staying afloat are:

• NOT disengaging, but not ALWAYS engaging. Pick a time for news reading or watching and an amount of time for doing it and then turn it off. 
• Get outside - unless you feel you may be targeted for deportation. Walk around your neighborhood. Walk in public parks. Get that winter and rain gear on and get outside even when the weather bites. Get your head clear. 
• Lean on things like getting outside, being with people that love you, listening to music and doing things you enjoy rather than alcohol or cannabis. Don't lean on those. 
• Read books. 
• Watch PBS. If you aren't already giving, give $5 a month so you can get a subscription to their on-demand channel, Passport, and watch some things good for your mind and soul. 
• Look for community events to attend that bring you together with people who are not fascists - but, of course, only if you don't fear deportation. Go to events at the library. At the community theater. At the nearest university. Hosted by a nonprofit that supports refugees or LBGTQ people. 

I hope that, if you can, that you will keep track of what federal actions are hurting people, and reach out to those people affected. There are plenty of nonprofits that can help you do this. 

Dark times. Look for the light. Go to the light.