Kindness and community make sense

Atheists have their genesis in different places: some atheists are brought up in a family that is entirely secular, with no religious belief at all, and that lack of belief in a magical invisible friend, or group of friends, sticks for life. Others are brought up within a religious family, either marginally or deeply religious, and either reject that religious belief at some point or it just never takes hold.

Either way, whatever their origins, many atheists contemplate and create - and continually re-visit - a moral structure through which they can ponder life’s ethical and philosophical questions and human behavior. It's not true of all atheists, but many of us are on a continual journey of questions and exploration and considerations.

As I've said in many blogs, one of the things that lead me away from the religion I was brought up in, Christianity, was the lack of emphasis on good works being fundamental to the practice of Christianity, and the lack of emphasis on being happy in this life here on Earth.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves:

it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

According to the Bible, to be close to God - which is the only thing we should be focused on - and to gain happiness after death - as gaining in this life is not important - is possible only through faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, rather than by human effort or good works. Baptism, church membership or church attendance, sacraments, or even being kind - I was taught, as a Baptist, that none of these were fundamentally important - they are nice, but not at all, ultimately, necessary. And your soul, your salvation, is more important than feeding the hungry, helping the sick, or being a positive force in your community.

What always got downplayed in the church sermons and Sunday school and Vacation Bible School classes I attended was

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 

Matthew 22:37-39

It just never felt right to me to downplay the importance of kindness to others as a fundamental part of a righteous life. By contrast, empathy and compassion has always felt right to me. The story that stood out to me most in the Bible as a child and teen, that always resonated with me, was the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). 

And make no mistake: while compassion and kindness and justice all feel so right to me as moral guides, they are not always easy. In fact, most of the time, they don't feel easy. I don't always benefit when I show empathy and compassion or when I engage in acts that I believe are a part of pursuing a just society. In fact, I've been burned quite a few times as a result of being kind or considerate or pursuing justice, by putting myself out there to help someone or a cause, and as I grow older, I hesitate more and more before I decide my help is needed. Yet, I keep doing it, because I just cannot get away from an overwhelming compulsion to do so.

As I said in an earlier blog, I believe morality comes from our human capacity for empathy and from reality. My morality is rooted in a sense of compassion that most humans are born with (the exception being sociopaths). It's also rooted in my logic: kindness makes sense. Justice makes sense. Equity makes sense. The benefits of kindness, justice and equity, in the long run, are worth the work. I get a personal benefit from a healthy community that I contribute to which, in a way, makes thinking communally a selfish interest. 

And all this is my very long-winded way of saying: wear a fucking mask. 😷

And #BlackLivesMatter.

Also see:

God hates your feelings. And your reason.

Atheist Morality.

Trying not to throw things at the TV when Franklin Graham comes on

I loathe Franklin Graham. He's president and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and of a nonprofit Samaritan's Purse. He sews hate. Some of the hateful statements he's made:

• In March 2011, Graham said the 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan "maybe" the second coming and Armageddon - talk that was meant to get more converts (and donors) to his ministry. BTW - we're still here.
   
• Graham refers to homosexuality as "an abomination" and compared "conversion therapy" to Conversion to Christianity. If you don't know, conversion therapy is the pseudoscientific and horrific practice of trying to change an individual's sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. There is no reliable evidence that sexual orientation can be changed and medical institutions warn that conversion therapy practices are ineffective and potentially harmful.
   
• Graham supported North Carolina Amendment 1 prohibiting same-sex marriage and all domestic partnerships.
   
• Graham defended Russian President Vladimir Putin's "gay propaganda" law and has praised his leadership for "protecting children from any homosexual agenda or propaganda.
   
• He's made horrific anti-Islamic remarks, criticizing Islam for many of the same beliefs that are stated in the Bible.
   
• He repeatedly tried to assert that President Barack Obama, a Christian, was, in fact, a Muslim and supported terrorism.
   
• In November 2016, Graham told The Washington Post that God had played a role in Donald Trump's election as U.S. president, saying: "I could sense going across the country that God was going to do something this year. And I believe that at this election, God showed up." Since the election, Graham has "become known, above all, as the most vociferous evangelical ally" of Trump. 

Now Franklin Graham is on TV a lot, via a commercial, telling people that all they have to do is invite Jesus into their lives and they won't be afraid anymore of COVID19. You see, Graham isn't allowed to hold his big money-making rallies anymore, because people would DIE of this virus as a result, so he's got to find a new way to get followers and their money. That's why he's doing these commercials, and his message doesn't stop at just the prayer he thinks you should say: he also says you should, of course, call HIS prayer line and pray with one of HIS employees. And they will, of course, get your name and address and phone number, and then you can start being asked for financial donations to sustain his "ministry."

If these TV commercials weren't really all about Franklin Graham and him getting your money, he'd stop with that encouragement for you to pray - end commercial! But he wants to make certain you call that number, so he can get your info.

But even if he had stopped at just the prayer, I would have written a blog of anger, because all I can think of is all those many, many people who are going to pray that prayer, yet again, and think, okay, this time, maybe THIS time, Jesus is finally going to reveal himself to me and I'm going to experience all these things these preachers and believers keep assuring me is going to happen. I've just got to have FAITH! Maybe this time, my desperation and anxiety, at the very least will be addressed - and maybe THIS time, it will mean my husband or parents or whoever will stop abusing me, or my child will not have this chronic condition that is bankrupting our finances and draining me in every way, and on and on.

And they are going to pray that prayer, yet again, and it's not going to work, it's not going to help, and they are going to feel, yet again, like Jesus doesn't like them, that there's something wrong with them that they don't feel this think that Franklin Graham says he feels and you will too.

I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. It is exhausting to keep waiting for Jesus to show up and do what Franklin Graham promises - but you can stop that exhaustion and desperation by quitting your wait for a magical, invisible, and mythical being to help you. Instead, reboot with these two thoughts:

• other people have survived what you are struggling with, and that means you can too.
   
• no one person can fix this for you, but you will need help, and there IS help.
   
• this is a marathon, not a sprint, and your problems won't be addressed in a day, or a week, or a month, or even several weeks, and not be doing one simple thing, BUT there are absolutely things you can do, there are absolutely things you can control, and exercising that control, even in little things, but on an ongoing basis, will make things at least more survivable, and maybe even better. 

Those three points have helped me more than Jesus ever has.

Identify exactly what it is you need to make things in your life at least survivable, if not tolerable, and then pursue what you need to do to get exactly what you need. It could be:

• Accepting that you cannot change this quickly, and accepting that you will need to change your strategies at least a few times.
   
• Leaving the abusive home you are in - a domestic violence shelter can help you (but you will probably be put into a hotel).
   
• Selling whatever you can to get cash.
   
• Looking into whatever you can possibly do for cash that is safe and ethical: dog walking (a lot of home-bound people are desperate for this service right now, and there are ways to do it safely even in this age of COVID19), grocery shopping for someone else, simple yard work, etc.
   
• Scanning and posting images/screen captures of your medical and house/apartment bills on Flickr, with your address, social security number and account number edited out, and then contacting every elected official that serves you, as well as local press, and saying, "How am I supposed to pay all this now?" Be respectful but relentless in your communications.
   
• Exploring bankruptcy.
   
• Finding online and print resources that relate to what you are going through - postpartum depression, abuse by a married partner, abuse by an unmarried partner, elder abuse, child abuse, bankruptcy, a chronic health condition - and read them, don't just scan them. Be careful of pseudoscience sites or any sites trying to sell you something.
   
• Getting therapy - and if your insurance doesn't cover it, call your county health department and ask them where you should get it.
   
• Making a list of every nonprofit in your area that might be able to help somehow and contacting them.  

If you have time to watch TV or be on Facebook, then you have time to exercise. No matter how ridiculous you think it makes you look and no matter how useless it may feel, exercise every day, even if it's just walking back and forth on your block, or doing situps in your bedroom. If you have a condition that doesn't let you do situps, then work on your arms - cans of soup can be good for arm workouts. What exercise does is cause you to breathe more deeply, which helps reduce anxiety.

Set a timer for being on social media and turn it OFF when your timer is up, until tomorrow. Things to do instead of social media:

• Watch a movie or documentary, without using your phone in any way at the same time. Watch it the way you should in a theater, with a darkened room and quiet.
   
• Read a book. Any book. Take as many days or weeks you need to finish it. Then start another.
   
• While you clean your living space, listen to music or an audiobook or podcast.
   
• Teach yourself solitaire and play with real cards, not online cards. Play it while you listen to music or a podcast.
   
• Write. It can be a journal. It can be fanfiction. It can be a business plan for the business or nonprofit you would love to start. It could be what your speech would be if you were being inaugurated as President. 

The less time you spend on social media and, instead, engage in these simple activities, the better you will feel. And these activities not only help you get through dark thoughts, they also might prompt you to come up with an action plan that could help you in the long term.

And keep looking for hope.

Finding hope

Sitting in a dance hall in Austin, Texas last week, one that I went to more than a few times back in the 1990s, I contemplated hope.

I had several moments of severe hopelessness as a teen. What got me through those times were unexpected, wonderful things: friends I realized loved me fiercely, compliments on my work and character from people I respected and didn't realize I had impressed until that moment, job opportunities and what I call experience opportunities: offers to go to an amazing stage show, or concert, or an invitation to a dinner party that turned out to be full of fascinating people, or being introduced to a beautiful place.

I didn't struggle with hope nearly so much in my 30s and most of my 40s - I felt pretty good those years. My job, my friends and my life experiences all brought me consistent joy. Even in horrible moments - and there were many - I still had hope.

But not now, in my 50s. Not in the last 10 years, in fact. Those things that came my way as a teen and in my 20s that kept me going in those times of severe hopelessness, those things that all brought me consistent joy, haven't been happening much in the last 10 years. I've moved so much I've ended up in a place where none of my friends are nearby, and the state where I live is notoriously unfriendly - 10 years here, I'm still disparaged as an outside. I've struggled with unemployment. Live music performances with terrific musicians and quality sound systems are quite hard to find. Delightfully eccentric, friendly people are hard to find here.

And as I sat in that beloved dance hall in Austin, Texas, feeling oh-so-at home in a building amid a city I could never live in again (too big, too hot, too much traffic), I realized I'm going to have to cultivate hope. I'm going to have to plant seeds and take care of those little seedlings and help them grow. I'm going to have to think of hope as a muscle that needs to be exercised and built. I'm going to have to work at this.

Hope has always been, to me, the belief, the expectation, that good things will happen, that bad things will be overcome, and that joy is always a possibility. But now, I struggle with a belief that bad things will be overcome. I'm not sure anymore. The glee with which children are separated from their parents and put in cages at the border, the glee with which people applaud and cheer as the President lies, disparages people who don't support him, says racist and sexist things and mocks the Rule of Law, the dedication they all have to undo environmental protections that help ALL of us, and future generations, the dedication they have to prevent as many people as possible from voting... glee and dedication that cannot be countered with reason nor compassion... altogether, it has undone most of my hope.

But I can believe, and do believe, that there will always be people who don't want this to happen and are going to put forth effort to counter it, even if they are in the minority. Sometimes they will win, sometimes they will lose. I have control over how I participate in that struggle. And I've asked myself over and over: would you rather be on the "winning" side or the "right" side? And my answer is always the same: I'd rather be on the "losing" side, if that side is the side of compassion and reason. And I don't know why that is, it just is.

I also believe there are still good things in life, like dance halls in Austin, Texas.

So, I'm going to work on cultivating hope. I'm going to read more books (already am, in fact). I'm going to actively look for good people doing good things. I'm going to celebrate even one person I encounter after seeing a thousand cheering fascists. I'm going to celebrate even one person dissenting or questioning. I'm going to look around at the mostly-empty audience space of other people enjoying a concert or movie I'm also enjoying and I'm going to take comfort in however many people are also there. I'm going to walk up to people tabling at street markets and thank them for being there. I'm going to leave poorly-supported, poorly-managed volunteering gigs with no guilt.

And since there aren't dance halls where I live, I'm going to fill my house with music, every day, and my house will be the dance hall I crave. No one can see me in my cowboy boots and hat, dancing with my dog, and even if they could, I don't care.

Happy 2020

When I started this blog, I hoped to be able to write just 52 blogs - one for every week. I thought if I ever reached that milestone, I'd just go back and read a blog a week for the rest of my life - my own weekly sermons.

Well, I now have 157 blogs, more than enough to read one every week for THREE YEARS.

If you have ever been a churchgoer, you know just how often preachers recycle sermons. Some just have one year's worth they trot out year-after-year. And here I am with three year's worth of my own atheist sermons!

The church across the street for me went up for sale last year, and I joked that I was going to buy it and open a Temple of Ethics, Reason & Humanity. Sadly, I didn't have the $1 million to buy the church, and an evangelical group that uses drums in their services bought it. Huge bummer, I know. I didn't have the money - but I had the material!

What to say as I start 2020? I start the year with being happy to not believe in the supernatural, fulfilled and content to live in a universe so much bigger and full of so many more possibilities than anything any religion teaches. I start the year knowing that I have very likely crossed the halfway point in my life, and wanting to make the most out of my very good health and stable economic situation. I start the year hoping I can find the strength to be kind when I don't feel like being kind, to be helpful to others when I really don't feel like being helpful, to work hard when I really don't feel like working hard, because doing those things are necessary to getting through this thing we call life.

Reflect on your year

How's your year been?

What's given you joy this year?

What's brought you down this year?

Those are three questions I think are good to ask when the year ends - of people you care about and of yourself.

When I ask the question about what gave me joy in a year, I go through my Google calendar, my journal, my blogs and my social media posts, and I make a list - I write it out. And it always turns out that good things happened that I had forgotten: some movie I saw that I found delightful. Some outing I had with someone I hadn't seen in a long while. Some hike. Some one-day motorcycle ride. I find myself thinking over and over again, "Oh yeah, that happened..." I always feel better after I do this, even if the year has been a particularly bad one.

The last question is easier to answer - no need to go looking for what brought me down, because I haven't forgotten most of it. Sometimes I list that too, sometimes not. Sometimes, I have found a list like that in a journal, read through the things, and none of them matter anymore, at all,and that is a comfort - to see that something so dire five years ago doesn't matter now. Or seeing something bad and being reminded that I survived it, that I got through it, even if it left a scar.

I know that our ideas about the start of a year are artificial, entirely man-made: yes, a year is the time the Earth goes around the Sun, that's real, that's not made up, but our starting point is artificially chosen - there's no official start and end time for a year, from a scientific perspective. Humanity could have chosen the year to start at the height of summer's heat in the Northern Hemisphere. It didn't, for logical reasons: new things start at birth, and as we see things being born and reborn all around us in nature as Winter turns to Spring, humanity's choice of when a year stops or starts makes sense.

I like metaphors. I think I especially like them now, as an atheist, far more than in my younger days because, when I was trying to be a Christian in those younger days, the religion was taught to me literally, without many metaphors, and when I realized this, I also realized just how much richer stories are when we see deeper meanings in them, when we look for wisdom, not just rules. I remember as a youth being taught the story of the loaves and fishes, a story mentioned in all four Gospels, as merely a miracle by God on Earth; I was 25 when I heard someone tell the story as an encouragement to share, because if we pool our resources, we have all we need to take care of everyone - and more - and that the acts of young people do matter, can make a difference, are needed. De-emphasizing the divine, the superpower and, instead, looking at the metaphors, the implied lessons, made the story so much more, and I felt much more connected to the storytellers who made up the story, because I think it's the metaphor that was important to them more than the divine.

So I like adhering to the common human practice of seeing the year coming to an end in winter, of thinking of life metaphorically and this marking the end of a chapter, and as it dies out, new things are born, plants are renewed, and maybe I can revitalize in some ways. 

Happy Reflecting. Happy New Year.

calendars & holy days

Christians follow a liturgical calendar based on the supposed life of Jesus Christ, celebrating events like the "Immaculate Conception" of Mary, the divine congratulations to Mary that she was pregnant with Jesus, the birth of Jesus, the Baptism of Jesus, the birth of Jesus (Christmas), etc.

The Hebrew or Jewish calendar compiles the dates for Jewish holidays, for the appropriate public reading of Torah portions and for the undertaking various ceremonies, like Purim, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, etc.

The Islamic calendar is a lunar calendar compiles the dates for Islamic holidays and associated rituals, like the Islamic New Year, the martyrdom of Husayn ibn Ali, the grandson of Muhammad, and his followers, the birth of the Prophet, the start of Ramadan, the end of Ramadan, the start of Hajj, etc.

Hindus, Buddhists, B'hais, Sikhs and various other religions all have calendars they follow that tell them what ceremony or ritual they need to do when. Some follow a solar calendar and some follow a lunar calendar and some follow a mix of the two.

Do atheists follow a ceremonial calendar? Some do. Many atheists buy a tree for Christmas, both because it's a tradition they grew up with and because the roots of that ritual aren't Christian but, in fact, pagan. Some atheists fast during Ramadan, in solidarity with their family and their community.

Maybe we should also celebrate the days of the week, to demonstrate just how many religions we have abandoned and to remake them into days where we explore scientific wonders and celebrate, and question, humanity:

• For Monday, we could celebrate the Moon, since the day is named for the Moon. We could talk about how the moon controls the tides, what happens during lunar eclipse, why there are phases of the moon, and on and on. 
• Tuesday is derived from Old English Tiwesdæg and Middle English Tewesday, meaning "Tīw's Day", the day of Tiw or Týr, the god of single combat, and law and justice in Norse mythology. Tiw is equated with Mars, hence the names for this day in other languages: Martes in Spanish, Mardi in French, etc. So, on Tuesday, we talk about the horrors of war and what justice really means and how to pursue it, with reason and ethics. 
• Wednesday is derived from Old English and Middle English words that mean "day of Woden", reflecting a pre-Christian religion practiced by the Anglo-Saxon tribes of the region. In other languages, miércoles in Spanish or mercredi in French or mercoledì in Italian, the day's name is for Mercury, God of War. That presents a problem, since we spent Tuesday talking about war. So on Wednesday, let's talk about peace. 
• For Thursday, of course, we would celebrate Thor! And as a big fan of Marvel movies, I'm totally down with doing that! We'll all dress like Thor or any member of the Marvel universe. 
• For Friday, we would celebrate the "day of Frige", which comes from the Old English Frīġedæġ, or Frīatag in Old High German, or Freitag in Modern German, and vrijdag in Dutch - the result of combining the Old English goddess Frigg with the Roman goddess Venus. Since Venus was the goddess of love, Friday is going to be all about love. And, really, isn't it already?   
• For Saturday, we would celebrate "Saturn's Day." I say we talk about why Saturn is the most beautiful planet in the solar system. 
• And for Sunday, of course we could celebrate the Sun. We would talk about the Sun in cultural representations, sunspots, how suns are formed, what the gravitational pull of the Sun really means, and on and on. 

When all is said and done, let's keep the Thor in Thursday, okay?

Quotes that comfort

I'm not fond of inspirational or motivational posters or memes. They seem as disconnected from reality as some line of comfort from the Bible or Koran, assuring you that God is going to do this or that for you, no really, eventually, but if he doesn't, you know, it's his plan, either way, be grateful, blah blah blah. And that complete disconnect from the real world rubs me the wrong way. To me, supposedly-inspirational quotes are saying, "This horrible thing that's happening to you is bringing people around you down, so cheer up and quit killin' the vibe!"

I have worked in some war-torn countries and with people that have witnessed genocide. I'm friends with some of them on Facebook. And some of those folks LOVE INSPIRATIONAL MEMES. Like this one a friend in Kabul posted recently:

Life is like a camera:
Focus on what's important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
And if things don't work out
Take another shot!

I stared at it, like I stare at all her memes, and other people's memes, and think, really? You, living in a warzone, love these chirpy citations?

I try to be ultra-sensitive in appreciating people's dire pasts and current dire circumstances. I also try so hard to be realistic in my approach to comforting human suffering. I avoid platitudes like the plague for people going through painful times, and certainly for people in a place where there are bombings regularly. Because I know what it's like to be devastated by something and have someone say, "God has you!" or "When a door closes, a window opens" or "the universe has a plan." Those things not only aren't helpful to me, I pretty much want to punch the person who says them.

Yet I also cannot deny that some people LOVE platitudes. And I get it: they affirm what people want to believe is true, and having hope affirmed is a powerful thing, one that can get you through all sorts of horrors. A quote can resolve a dialogue, a debate, that you’re having with yourself - and you may be yearning for such a resolution for that internal debate or questioning, and here's this perfect quote that simplifies your struggle and how to solve it, wrapping the answer up neatly in a well-structured, pithy phrase. Certainly, we all want to believe there is wisdom that can help us through any struggle, and those inspirational quotes can seem like well-established, even long-established wisdom.

I'm not going to talk anyone out of liking quotes that give them comfort, as long as they don't assume others would be comforted by them. God is good, all the time is one of the most offensive things I have EVER heard, as I've said before, and you can keep it to yourself when you're around me, thanks very much. But I'm not going to comment on your inspirational quotes on Facebook - you do you, and if that makes you feel better, that's great.

Do I have quotes I like, that give me comfort? Oh, yes, very much. I like quotes about how nature gives inspiration and comfort. I like quotes from Carl Sagan about the vastness and wonder of the universe. I like quotes about the comfort and joy given to us by music... or dogs.

But one of my favorite quotes is from Mr. Rogers. Freakin' Mr. Rogers. Yes, the television show host. The Presbyterian minister. The devout Christian. And it's that quote about what his mother would say when something horrible happened, like an assignation, or a disaster that killed several people:

“Always look for the helpers,” she’d tell me. “There’s always someone who is trying to help.” I did, and I came to see that the world is full of doctors and nurses, police and firemen, volunteers, neighbors and friends who are ready to jump in to help when things go wrong.

I am comforted by that statement because I want so much to believe that there are people who will ignore what religion or society tells them and, instead, help EVERYONE and ANYONE who is hurting.

I won't mock quotes that give you comfort. Hope you will do the same for me.