Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Lost faith in humanity

Back in August, I wrote a blog called I shall not live in fear. It was a reaction the anger and fear of Trump supporters of and regarding immigrants, Muslims, non-White people, crime, loss of the English language, a Black Lives Matter member marrying their daughter, Satanists praying at their next city council meeting, and on and on and on. The level of fear, anger and righteousness was absurd to me then.

It's not only absurd to me now. It's terrifying.

Facts mean nothing to these people. They spew the most vile racist and sexist things while denying whole-heartedly that they are racist or sexist. They are not nearly as economically disadvantaged as they claim, and they've regained economic ground lost under the Bush administration (thanks, Obama, for real!), but their perception is otherwise. They feel under siege, even though they aren't. They feel they are having their quality of life taken away, even though they aren't. They see greater opportunity for people not like them as meaning they themselves are losing out.

How to reach them? Pardon me if I am not feeling a desire to "reach out" or "meet them half way." I hereby confess that I think the term deplorables as quite apt, and I don't like deplorables.

I'm a reason-based gal. I like in-depth statistics and facts and data, even when what such reveals is an inconvenient, even painful truth, even when I have to change my mind as a result. Righteousness repulses me. I, therefore, have a great deal of trouble relating to people who don't do this, who will seek out data from a not-at-all credible source just so they can double down on their beliefs.

How to show empathy for the un-empathetic? How to reason with unreasonable people? How to show kindness to unkind, even hateful people?

And how to restore my long-held faith in humanity, a belief in the idea that, ultimately, after a lot of mess and failure, we are capable of getting it right and living together and embracing the idea that all humans have the right to equal opportunity?

Even being a humanist requires faith. Humanism stresses the potential value and goodness of human beings, emphasizes common human needs, and seeks rational ways of solving human problems. I'm just not so sure about that whole potential value and goodness part anymore.

What now? I will continue to learn Spanish, have coffee with Muslim friends, dance at gay weddings, watch science shows, read books, visit Mexico, sing Louvin Brothers songs ironically, say and believe #BlackLivesMatter, call myself a feminist, listen to international news radio stations, not say the "Pledge of Allegiance", applaud smart, intellectual, professional women, delight in diversity, have the utmost respect for public servants and do lots of other things that, apparently, are woefully un-American in the new USA. I will continue to travel - and hope I'm safe doing so, that Trump hasn't created a far more dangerous world for me and put a target on my back, as someone from the USA.

And in doing all that, even if my faith and hope aren't restored, I'll be having a nice time.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Living under Biblical Law in the USA

When I was 14, my best friend, also 14, got pregnant. Her boyfriend was 19. She and her boyfriend wanted to get married, and her parents were all for it, because their church minister had told them that marriage would be best for their daughter, that it was what Jesus wanted, because otherwise, her baby "would born a bastard." Dropping out of school and getting married and staying home with a baby was the will of Jesus for this young girl, and her parents were all about Jesus. They believed their family should adhere to Biblical law above all else - and that everyone else should too.

A girl in my junior high school wasn't allowed to take gym class, because her parents told her she had to wear skirts and dresses, never shorts or pants, and they felt that girls in gym glass went against Biblical law. They believed their family should adhere to Biblical law above all else - and that everyone else should too.

I've known at least three women who wanted to divorce their abusive, unsupportive husbands, but their own parents and other family and friends discouraged them from doing this, because of the teachings of Jesus and Paul about marriage. They believed their family should adhere to Biblical law above all else - and that everyone else should too.

Growing up in Kentucky, every city meeting was opened with a prayer to Jesus. So were football games. Because my community believed that Biblical law was the law of our land.

I grew up hearing many people, not just ministers, say that feminist movements were against God, that feminists' encouraged women to turn their backs on Jesus and his plan for us, one where we are obedient to our husbands, where we have many children, and where we do NOT work outside of the home. Because my community believed that Biblical law was the law of our land.

I knew girls who did not wear makeup because their parents wouldn't let them. I knew girls that couldn't get their hair cut because their parents wouldn't let them. I knew girls who couldn't spend the night with a friend if that friend had brothers, because their parents wouldn't let them. And in all these cases, the parents believed these prohibitions were prescribed by the Bible. They believed their family should adhere to Biblical law above all else - and that everyone else should too.

In Kentucky, and the rest of the Bible Belt, many people think it's their duty to spread the word of Jesus - and so you are often asked what church you go to, if you have been saved, when you were Baptised, etc. You won't be hard pressed to find Jewish people living in the Bible Belt that have been told by neighbors and co-workers that "Jews killed Jesus."

I didn't like it. In fact, I hated it. Back then, I was trying to be a Christian, I was reading the Bible, but I could not accept a subservient role in life, one where I did not get to choose a career, where I would be called horrible names for choosing not to be a virgin, one where I would be chastised for not having children.

In Hildale, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona, there are more than 7000 people living under a strict interpretation of the Bible and the Book of Mormon, young girls are forced into plural marriages and sex while still children, women are forbidden from doing anything outside the home without their husband's permission, all females are required to wear a particular type of dress and have their hair fixed a certain way, and their church's financial arm owns most of the property in the cities. Men from these communities have been convicted for child sexual abuse - abuse they conducted under the belief that they had the right to do according to Biblical Law.

I bring all this up because I don't hear any of the people that are saying they fear Sharia Law in the USA talking about the forced adherence to religious law that is here already, right now. I've lived under it. Millions still do. No, it's not official on-the-books law, at least in most cases, but it is practiced in many places in the USA, and many people, particularly women and girls, feel they have to adhere to it, for fear of ostracism/social exclusion at best, and bullying, oppression, denial of financial support or even physical abuse at worst.

One of my favorite books is The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood. In it, the USA is taken over by an ultra conservative Bible-based movement. They quickly reorganize society along a new militarized, hierarchical, compulsory regime of Old Testament-inspired social and religious fanaticism. Human rights are severely limited and women's rights are completely unrecognized - in fact, almost all women are forbidden to read. So many of my friends read it and while they loved it, they found it utterly unbelievable. I didn't. I didn't find it unbelievable because of what I experienced growing up in Kentucky.

All of you people fearful of Muslims and Sharia - where is your fear of the reality that is Biblical law right here in the USA? Why aren't Pamela Geller or Ron Branstner talking about this forced adherence to religious law that is causing oppression, pain and suffering in our country right now?

Also see:

ACLU, parents of Buddhist student in N. La. sue Christian educators for religious harassment

A child bride in Texas

Christian Homeschoolers Sell Daughter Into Arranged Marriage, Offer Discount Because She’s ‘Damaged’

15 reasons women should be killed, according to the Bible

Thursday, August 4, 2016

I shall not live in fear

I don't live in fear.

Not that I don't have fears. Not that I don't take precautions to better ensure my safety. But I don't live in fear.

Yet, so many people in the USA live in terror - of people that aren't of European descent, of Muslims, of teenagers, even of the government. There's no basis for their level of terror. Over the last 20 years, crime, including violent crime, has plummeted. Even with the incidents of murder committed by extremists claiming to be Muslim, you are still far, far more likely to be killed by heart disease or a car wreck. Or your spouse. People in the USA have never been safer, yet so many don't believe it.

I don't fear Muslims any more than I fear Christians. Maybe it's because I was such an active pro-choice activists in the 1990s, when doctors were being shot and clinics were being bombed by extremist Christian terrorists. Maybe it's because I grew up in the American South, where I heard Christian pastors and their followers say that women should be forced to carry all pregnancies to term, that women who used birth control and had sex before marriage were whores, and that the Bible should be "the law of the land." In other words, I heard Christians around me saying the same things that Christians now say they fear Muslims will try to implement (substitute "sharia" for "Bible"). Or maybe it's because I've been to at least six countries with either majority Muslim populations or a very large percentage of their populations are Muslims, and I have experienced nothing but kindness from those Muslims, a level of kindness and helpfulness the American South prides itself on offering but doesn't always.

I've known people who survived war and genocides and are now working in humanitarian aid and development. They have seen family and friends dragged off by armed groups of their own countrymen. They have seen people killed and mutilated by their own countrymen. They have seen people raped by their own countrymen. Perhaps they themselves have been raped. And these people I've known, that I've worked with, have not lived in fear. They have delighted in their new circumstances and all that's good in their lives now. When something good happens - a marriage, a graduation, a new job, a birth, a reunion, or even more simple things, like dancing and dinner parties or a new tech toy - they revel in it. They savor it. They let themselves be consumed with delight of the moment. It's jaw-dropping and glorious to see and be a part of. They aren't saints, they aren't unbothered by dark memories, but they refuse to let what's bad in the world consume them and their daily lives. I strive to be like them.

Yes, I lock my doors, even when I'm home, and we have alarms on our doors and some of our windows. I look around a LOT before I walk to my car and unlock it. I'm super cautious when alone in a parking garage. I won't get on a subway or light rail car if it's empty or there are only a group of young men on it. I carry my purse over my neck and shoulder. I don't use ATM machines at night. I've taken karate and jujitsu classes. I imagine what I would do if attacked.

I also talk to strangers, and will even get into conversations with such. I make eye contact. I know all of my neighbors. I take mass transit. I walk around my neighborhood by myself. I go out at night. I wear whatever I want. I go to the movies or events by myself. I use social media. I smile and laugh in public. I travel. I travel to countries with millions and millions of Muslims. I think about and plan for the future, a future full of possibilities.

I live. I laugh. And I choose not to live in fear.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Orlando

In 2000, Ronald Gay entered a gay bar in Roanoke, Virginia and opened fire on the patrons, killing Danny Overstreet, 43 years old, and severely injuring six others. The shooter said he was angry over what his name now meant and was upset that three of his sons had changed their surname. He said God told him to find and kill lesbians and gay men, and described himself as a "Christian Soldier working for my Lord." Gay testified in court that "he wished he could have killed more fags," before several of the shooting victims as well as Danny Overstreet's family and friends.

In 2015, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish man recently released from prison after serving 10 years for stabbing participants in the annual Gay Pride Parade in Jerusalem in 2005 struck again at the same parade, stabbing six marchers. Here's a story from that time.

This year, someone who may have been a radical Muslim or may have been gay and unable to reconcile his homosexuality with his religion, killed 49 people at a gay club in Orlando.

People who use religion to justify murder are, in a word, terrifying. And it's profoundly sad that it was so easy to find examples of someone that is Christian, someone that is Jewish and someone that is Muslim killing gay people in the name of their God. It's even easier to find lots of examples of religious people saying that their religion says gay people are worthy of derision and death.

I am an atheist, but I'm also a humanist. I want to live a life that affirms the human ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity. I believe that ethics and compassion make our lives understandable and meaningful. That means I believe, among many things, that LGBTIQ people should have the same rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and the same access to safety, as any other human being, anywhere on Earth. It means that I am appalled at the idea of LGBTIQ people being harmed because of their sexual orientation, and will never tolerate such actions.

I also have a really pronounced sense of empathy, and I tend to cry when I see inhumanity. So, regarding Orlando, I've cried a lot. But I've also been heartened at the outpouring of love and support from so many different people.

But I am oh-so-unsettled by religious justifications for this hate of LGBTIQ people. It's disgusting. And seeing so many Christians condemn Islam because of this shooting - but not Christianity for its long history of violence, including violence aimed at health clinics and the workers at such - disgusts me just as much.

So, how will I respond to all this, other than writing this blog? By:
  • Posting to my social meeting accounts and making sure all of my friends and colleagues know the facts of this shooting, countering hearsay and rumors, knowing where they can help with cash donations to those affected by the Orlando shooting, and knowing about local events to condemn this act of violence and the religious justifications for it.
  • Connecting all of my local gay friends to a newly-formed online community for LGBTIQ in our small town and surrounding small towns.
  • Responding to and countering connections on social media that espouse hate or religious justifications for marginalizing LGBTIQ people.
  • Read the Second Edition of Psychological First Aid Field Operations Guide and look for some way to get my mental health first aid certification renewed, as well as getting my CPR and First Aid certification renewed.
  • I will write my US Senators, my US Congressional representative and my state representatives and demand gun control - it's time to make getting and owning a gun the same as getting and owning a car, at the very least, and getting rid of any access to guns that can kill so many in 60 seconds.
If you have been affected by the Orlando shooting - or any traumatic event, no matter how far away - and it's affected your sleep, your ability to function, your ability to get up in the morning, your feeling of safety, anything, please call 1-800-985-5990 - it's the 24/7 @SAMHSAgov hotline, a federal program for anyone in the U.S./territories in distress from disasters. They also have a service via SMS (text TalkWithUs to 66746).

Peace be with you.

Friday, May 13, 2016

God hates your feelings. And your reason.

I grew up in churches where obedience to God was emphasized, but compassion and charity was not. What was most important, the preachers and Sunday school teachers said, was doing what God said, as directed through the Bible, and that had little to do with being kind to people. After all, they would tell me, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" doesn't mean be kind - it means to be Biblical. In other words, you should want people to tell you that you are going to hell unless you repent - it's what's BEST for you!

That means that the story of the fishes and loaves wasn't about pooling our resources so that we can care for each other; it was about Jesus being divine, as shown through his performance of a miracle. The story of the good Samaritan was just a skit for Vacation Bible School - I'm not sure I ever heard it talked about from the pulpit. Every sermon I remember was about just one thing: accept Christ as your savior, and you get everlasting life. Accepting Jesus was more important than any behavior. or feeling. The churches I attended as a child held no canned food drives, built no homes for the homeless, collected no money for people without healthcare insurance. Charity was never discussed in my family home, beyond helping family members that were ill. What was oh-so-much-more important was prayer and having the capacity to witness for Jesus to neighbors and co-workers and friends.

I'm catching up on reading through a stack of New Yorker magazines, and am just now reading about how Megan Phelps-Roper turned against her church - the Westboro Baptist Church. The article notes:

Church members disdained human feelings as something that people worshipped instead of the Bible. They even had a sign: “GOD HATES YOUR FEELINGS.” They disregarded people’s feelings in order to break their idols.

It was like something clicked in my head - I remember that message from my youth, though it was said in more quiet, firm tones, not screaming, and not quite so explicitly: we are sinful, and feelings are a product of that sinful nature - only obedience can save us. If we're comfortable and happy, then we're not true Christians!

I hear my Christian friends lament that the Westboro Baptist Church aren't really Christians, because members have such hateful messages and seek to make people feel awful at funerals for loved ones, but the reality is that, based on a literalist view of the English-language Bible (which is, of course, the language Jesus spoke), they have a doctrinal basis for their hate.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:26

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;
Matthew 10:37

Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Revelation 12:11

In their view, being a Christian doesn't make you happy, doesn't give you peace, doesn't make you feel better - if those things happen, you are actually worshipping an idol - your heart - not following the Bible. Being a Christian should make you uncomfortable or happy or peaceful. If you aren't hated for being a Christian, you aren't really a Christian!

You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Matthew 10:22

An unjust man is abominable to the righteous, And he who is upright in the way is abominable to the wicked.
Proverbs 29:27

Hear the word of the LORD, you who tremble at His word: "Your brothers who hate you, who exclude you for My name's sake, Have said, 'Let the LORD be glorified, that we may see your joy.' But they will be put to shame.
Isaiah 66:5

Then will they hand you over to be persecuted and killed, and you will be hated by all nations on account of My name.
Matthew 24:9

If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.
John 15:19

And you will be hated by everyone because of My name.
Luke 21:17

By your patient endurance, you will gain your souls.
Luke 21:19

And that's just some of the Biblical fuel that makes the members of the Westboro Baptist Church do what they do. Are they not doing exactly what the Bible tells them?

Indeed, it was my feelings of compassion and sympathy and wonder, and my reason, that turned me away from Christianity and all other religions. It was reading the Bible, and many of the verses I've just quoted, that made me decide to delve deeper into the origins of the Bible, to read, read, and read some more, and ultimately, all that knowledge helped me to embrace my atheism instead of trying desperately to cure it. And I've been so much happier as a result, so much more whole, so much more peaceful, so much more connected to the world and my fellow humans - which, of course, goes against what the Bible teaches. My morality comes from balancing my feelings and my reason, from believing that all people have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, because that makes sense, that benefits everyone, that makes the entire world a better place to live for everyone - including me. I don't rob or kill people, or steal, not because of the state's laws, and not because of the Bible, but because I know it will hurt people, and I don't like hurting people. By contrast, helping others feels good, sometimes in a selfish way, sometimes in a healing way for myself - I am healed through kindness to others. Admittedly, there are a few atheists that are nihilists, and therefore, rejecting God means rejecting morality, but most atheists are moral atheists, as university philosophy professor Louise M. Antony notes: "we find moral value to be immanent in the natural world, arising from the vulnerabilities of sentient beings and from the capacities of rational beings to recognize and to respond to those vulnerabilities and capacities in others." We moral atheists are therefore puzzled by Christians and other people of faith who say morality comes from God. As Antony asks, "To say that morality depends on the existence of God is to say that none of these specific moral judgments is true unless God exists. That seems to me to be a remarkable claim. If God turned out not to exist — then slavery would be O.K.? There’d be nothing wrong with torture? The pain of another human being would mean nothing?" It's no wonder that atheists are motivated more by compassion that people of faith.

It's not easy to live life without dogma. My morality and values are challenged, and I must do a lot of thinking, a lot of exploring, to come to terms with these challenges. My feelings are sometimes in conflict with my reasoning, with logic, and I can't just read some scripture and get an absolute answer - I have to research and consider what I'm learning. I often feel like a lawyer looking for past judicial rulings to make a case. If you think that sounds so much harder than following a religion, consider this from psychologist Dr. Darrel Ray: "If these teachings were simple and clear, then there would not be 38,000 different denominations and branches of Christianity all saying different things."

My morality tells me that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are engaged in abhorrent behaviors. My morality tells me that these people are despicable. But Christians, the scripture you say you believe in agrees with their actions.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Contradictions lead to happiness

A 6th generation Mormon, Jeremy Runnells had expectations and plans of living in the Church of Latter Day Saints for the rest of his life. However, in February 2012, Jeremy experienced a crisis of faith. In the spring of 2013, Jeremy was approached and asked by a Mormon Church Educational System Director to share his concerns and questions about the LDS Church's origins, history, and current practices. In response, Jeremy wrote what later became publicly known as Letter to a CES Director, and very quickly went viral on the internet. The CES Director responded that he read the "very well written" letter and that he would provide Jeremy with a response. No response ever came.

You can download the letter from this web site (click on "download the PDF" when you get there - it's a free download).

I found this letter - and the silence from the Mormon church - so hauntingly familiar. I had very similar, specific questions when I was in my teens and was realizing I just wasn't really believing what I had been taught all of my life by Christian churches, that I'd never believed it. The number of Bible contradictions - such as the examples listed here and here - I was realizing for myself were mounting. The cruelty and violence, the misogyny against women were disturbing me in particular, and no one had answers to my many questions and observations - they just kept telling me to "accept" and that I would have answers "some day." I was made to feel bad for my many questions and statements that I felt nothing people assured me I would feel if I said things like, "Christ, I accept you as my savior. Live in my heart." I might as well have said abracadabra over and over.

When I was trying to be a Christian, deep joy was always out of reach. Happiness was oh-so-fleeting. I was afraid of my own emotions, because I was being told I shouldn't be upset no matter what horrors in life I might encounter, no matter what happened in my life or anywhere in the world, because God had a plan, and to be upset was to doubt that plan - in other words, children being raped, people being slaughtered, villages and cities being destroyed by natural disasters, people dying slowly from the most horrible diseases you can imagine, and all other suffering was a good thing, a divine thing, and I would just have to hope and trust there was a reason for it all. God Makes No Mistakes and God is Good All the Time. And I was supposed to seek out other Christians as friends, specifically, and avoid non-believers. In fact, many people said I was to seek out only certain Christians - no Catholics, no Mormons, maybe not anyone that sprinkles instead of dunks...

When I quit trying to believe, when I embraced that life-long doubt in a magical invisible all-powerful friend who allowed, or caused, misery, life very slowly started to get better. No one was allowing tsunamis, tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and other natural disasters to kill millions of people - those things happened, without any meaning behind them other than weather patterns and geological realities, and there were all sorts of things we, humans, could do to mitigate the damage. And there were all sorts of things we can do to reduce horrors visited upon humans by other humans. And God hadn't abandoned or ignored me as I prayed every day, desperately, for an end to the abuse in my family - there is no God, and I needed to find help to get out of that situation and live a very different life than I'd grown up in.

And I got to be kind to everyone, no matter their beliefs. I got to pick friends and associates based on the character they showed - the kindness, the understanding, the care - not their proclaimed religion. I get to embrace humankind, the brotherhood of man, as a species, as a family.

And I got to hope, in a way I never could before, because I knew there was no omnipotent sentient entity with some master plan causing everything in the world, helpful, glorious or harmful - instead, the world was full of endless possibilities, some of which I could control, some of which I could influence, and all of which were real.

Hallelujah!

Why I love being an atheist

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

true religions & justifications for domestic violence

I recently came across the article "Do You Feel Trapped by Your Faith? When spirituality and domestic violence cross paths " via domesticshelters.org. As I've had friends who were victims of abuse by husbands and fathers and were told that it was "God's will" by their church pastors, that it was their own fault that they were subjected to abuse, I was very interested in reading this article.

At first, I had high hopes: Julie Owens, identified in the article as a domestic violence advocate and educator who specializes in educating leaders of faith communities about domestic violence, is quoted as saying "Many religions support traditional, sometimes rigid, gender roles. Survivors often hear things like ‘Pray for him,’ ‘God hates divorce,’ ‘It’s your cross to bear,’ or ‘You need to work on your communication skills.’ The focus of the faith leader is often ‘How can we get [the abuser] some help?’" It's nice to see a person of faith admit that this happens, and that this puts the person that is being abused at further risk. She also notes that many abused women have been taught that men should be viewed as superior to women, that physical abuse is a normal part of a relationship, that by improving their own behavior, the abuse will stop, that abuse is a test of their faith in God, etc. And she condemns these teachings. Great!

But then the article says, to get help, a woman that is a victim of domestic violence should first "Look to the true teachings of your religion." The implication is that these true teachings of a religion contradict the justifications for spousal abuse and other forms of domestic violence.

Um.... news flash: no one agrees on what the "true teachings" of any religion are. The Church of Christ across the street from me believes that the "true teaching" of Christianity means that musical instruments aren't allowed in their church, and that people going to any other type of church aren't real Christians - it's a church that does not believe in ecumenism. Meanwhile, the Methodist Church across the street from that church plays all kinds of instruments during its services, and its minister and congregation are happy to do joint activities with other churches. Of course, neither church supports marriage equality, so just go four blocks away, to the United Church of Christ church - they have long supported marriage equality!

So... which one is keyed into the "true teachings" of Christianity? Depends on who you ask.

Digging deeper into the theology and history of Christianity, Islam or Judaism - or any other religion, for that matter - can actually lead a person to more theologically-based justifications for even harsher behavior towards women. Finding out more about the earliest believers of a religion, the earliest versions of texts, etc., can provide the basis for savage, even bizarre treatment of wives and daughters. Following the advice from the domestic.org article could actually convince a woman to stay in an abusive relationship - because, like it or not, it's God's will, because the "true teachings" of your religion say so!

Here's my advice: any person or religion that tells a woman that a magical, invisible, all-powerful deity wants her to experience violence, domestic or otherwise, is shit. It's crap. Run! That is NOT anything you should listen to, ever. Don't go to that church or temple, do NOT listen to anyone going there.

If you need a theological justification for better treatment for women from a male family member, you may need to change religions. For sure, you are going to have to abandon any belief in taking sacred texts literally - there's no way to hold on to literalist beliefs and believe that domestic violence against a woman is not somehow justified. There are versions of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and other religions that do not believe there is any justification for physical abuse or subjugation of women, that believe any scripture or Hadith that says so is flawed, a reflection of human prejudice rather than anything divinely-inspired. To find such sects, you're going to have to do some deep research. I suggest you start by making a list of churches or temples or other groups that ordain women - they will be less inclined to believe men ever have a right to abuse a woman than other churches.

But you can also consider that, perhaps, it's time to dump religion. There is hope, wonder, joy and empowerment all available without religion. Secular humanism, for me, is about benevolence toward fellow humans - about kindness and equality. Learn about an ethical philosophy centered on the best of our humanity - on compassion, fraternity, human equality, human rights, philanthropy, consideration, understanding, sympathy, tolerance, mercy, and more, without any belief in the supernatural.