There are lots of people I hate. Yes, hate: people to which I feel an intense, even passionate, aversion. Why do I hate them? Because they currently, or previously, and callously or cruelly, harmed people, or encouraged harm to people. Because their arrogance has ruined or will ruin people's lives. Because they would like to keep me and or others in subservience and hardship. Because they delight in distress and damage. Because they think it's funny to insult me.
What do I do about such people? If they are in elected office, I work to get someone else elected. If they have some kind of power and influence over others, I try to discourage people from listening to them, from following them, if I feel safe doing so. Otherwise, I just try to avoid them and not do anything that in any way contributes to their prosperity. It's not always easy - I hate people that go inside the grocery and won't wear a mask, or wear it properly, but I have to go to the grocery.
There are lots of people I find annoying. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. They're loud and disturb my peace. They ignore me when I am in need of their professional service. They act annoyed that they have to do their job, a job that, at that moment, I need. They ride my ass when I'm going to speed limit or not much over it. They hog a view. They are intellectually lazy, not learning anything at all about current events or history. They talk during movies.
What do I do about such people? Again, I just try to avoid them. Which is difficult, because I can't just get off the public transit bus any time someone is annoying. Or move to get away from an annoying neighbor. But I won't hesitate to cross the street if I see a neighbor coming that I don't like. Or to ask for a refund or a pass at the movies because there is someone who is not going to shut up, and I just don't feel like a confrontation. Or to write a bad review on Yelp. Or to tell an acquaintance that his praise of the supposed medical benefits of cannabis are largely bullshit.
What I won't do is scream, or yell insults. I'll stay civil - cold, but civil.
Since November 2016, staying civil has been a big challenge for me. I've struggled with it. And I live in an incredibly unfriendly place where it's not normal for people to say good morning while passing you on the sidewalk - and where it's legal to carry guns opening. The fact is, for five years now, I haven't wanted to be friendly most of the time. And as I watch extremists try to overthrow the government and spread misinformation about a deadly pandemic, as I watch people more concerned about a burned Christmas tree than dead children murdered at their school, as I watch police kill black Americans over and over, I have a strong desire to be uncivil. Destructive, even.
But I'm coming full circle. I'm looking at the incredible selfishness that has come with the global pandemic and realized we're all doomed if we don't stop thinking only about me and don't start thinking more about we. No one community, no one region, no one country, will every defeat the threats and dangers wrought on the world by COVID-19 - it has to be all of us or none of us. I have to deal with others. They have to deal with others. There's no avoiding it - or, if we do, it's to our ruin.
I'm renewing my commitment to kindness and civility. That doesn't mean that I won't call out misinformation or racism or violent rhetoric. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop finding people annoying, or even hating people. But I'm going to dig deep and try not to let any of those people change my mind that kindess and civility are rational, sensible ways to live. I may not always be warm and friendly, but I absolutely will be civil. I will not lose my humanity. I will say thank you. I will say hello or good morning or good evening or whatever to someone who is about to provide me with a service. I will open the entrance or exit for others. I will help someone carry something heavy. I will compliment the stranger wearing the fabulous hat.
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