Civility is reasonable

There are lots of people I hate. Yes, hate: people to which I feel an intense, even passionate, aversion. Why do I hate them? Because they currently, or previously, and callously or cruelly, harmed people, or encouraged harm to people. Because their arrogance has ruined or will ruin people's lives. Because they would like to keep me and or others in subservience and hardship. Because they delight in distress and damage. Because they think it's funny to insult me. 

What do I do about such people? If they are in elected office, I work to get someone else elected. If they have some kind of power and influence over others, I try to discourage people from listening to them, from following them, if I feel safe doing so. Otherwise, I just try to avoid them and not do anything that in any way contributes to their prosperity. It's not always easy - I hate people that go inside the grocery and won't wear a mask, or wear it properly, but I have to go to the grocery. 

There are lots of people I find annoying. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. They're loud and disturb my peace. They ignore me when I am in need of their professional service. They act annoyed that they have to do their job, a job that, at that moment, I need. They ride my ass when I'm going to speed limit or not much over it. They hog a view. They are intellectually lazy, not learning anything at all about current events or history. They talk during movies. 

What do I do about such people? Again, I just try to avoid them. Which is difficult, because I can't just get off the public transit bus any time someone is annoying. Or move to get away from an annoying neighbor. But I won't hesitate to cross the street if I see a neighbor coming that I don't like. Or to ask for a refund or a pass at the movies because there is someone who is not going to shut up, and I just don't feel like a confrontation. Or to write a bad review on Yelp. Or to tell an acquaintance that his praise of the supposed medical benefits of cannabis are largely bullshit. 

What I won't do is scream, or yell insults. I'll stay civil - cold, but civil.  

Since November 2016, staying civil has been a big challenge for me. I've struggled with it. And I live in an incredibly unfriendly place where it's not normal for people to say good morning while passing you on the sidewalk - and where it's legal to carry guns opening. The fact is, for five years now, I haven't wanted to be friendly most of the time. And as I watch extremists try to overthrow the government and spread misinformation about a deadly pandemic, as I watch people more concerned about a burned Christmas tree than dead children murdered at their school, as I watch police kill black Americans over and over, I have a strong desire to be uncivil. Destructive, even.    

But I'm coming full circle. I'm looking at the incredible selfishness that has come with the global pandemic and realized we're all doomed if we don't stop thinking only about me and don't start thinking more about we. No one community, no one region, no one country, will every defeat the threats and dangers wrought on the world by COVID-19 - it has to be all of us or none of us. I have to deal with others. They have to deal with others. There's no avoiding it - or, if we do, it's to our ruin. 

I'm renewing my commitment to kindness and civility. That doesn't mean that I won't call out misinformation or racism or violent rhetoric. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop finding people annoying, or even hating people. But I'm going to dig deep and try not to let any of those people change my mind that kindess and civility are rational, sensible ways to live. I may not always be warm and friendly, but I absolutely will be civil. I will not lose my humanity. I will say thank you. I will say hello or good morning or good evening or whatever to someone who is about to provide me with a service. I will open the entrance or exit for others. I will help someone carry something heavy. I will compliment the stranger wearing the fabulous hat. 

But I will still cross the street when I see someone coming towards me I don't want to deal with. And that's okay. 

Also see:

Kindness and community make sense

You are not alone

How are you?

Hope you are vaccinated. 

Have you struggled with having COVID-19 - or perhaps are even still struggling?

Are you trying to convince stubborn family members to get vaccinated?

Are you attending funerals for people who have died from COVID-19?

Are you a flight attendant, a restaurant worker, a grocery worker who is struggling with customers who aren't vaccinated and won't wear masks and seem bent on putting you at risk?

I'm not sure how to console you.

Just know that there are people all over the world who are also struggling, also trying to convince others, also fighting misinformation, also dealing with assholes. 

You aren't alone. And as long as we aren't alone, all is not lost. 

If you can't find others around you physically, go online and find your comrades. 

Stay strong, keep learning. 

No doubt?

Atheists hear this question a lot from people who believe in a "God" or "Gods":

You don't have any doubt about God? You don't consider the possibility that maybe you're wrong and there is a God?

Here's what I'm 100% sure of:

• No "God" or "Gods" have ever comforted me. If a "God" or "Gods" do exist, he or they have most certainly harmed me through his/their inaction or "divine plan." 
   
• It is a huge relief not to try to justify the actions of an asshole - the God or Gods that either ignore millions of people being tortured or causes it." That torment in my mind ended when I decided to embrace my disbelief. 
   
• It is glorious to evaluate people by their actions and the content of their character instead of trying to decide if they follow the "right" magical invisible omnipotent friend. 
   
• When I stopped trying to follow a religion, when I stopped trying to "open my heart" and "let Jesus in" and all that, I went from feeling desperate and hurt and hopeless and abandoned to feeling like I was a part of something so much bigger than any religion, in a universe with far more possibilities than any religion has ever described to me. I felt like I belonged, and felt a huge burden lifted off of my heart. 
   
• As a child, talk of the devil being after me, being after my family, was terrifying to me. It was terrorizing. It was abusive. As I listened to stories of how I would burn alive forever in the eternal fires of hell if I didn't submit to Christ - and when I lay there is a little girl crying in bed, begging Jesus to come into my heart, and he didn't, and me thinking that I was in the End Times and I was doomed, there was no magical voice comforting me, no peace that entered my heart - it was just sheer terror. The first step in embracing a universe without a God or Gods was my realizing that there is no magical demon plotting my pain and demise. That moment of realization became a moment of relief, a moment of cleansing - the solace I needed. I have no doubt about how comforting and wonderful it's been not to live in fear like that. 
   
• Atheism has brought me a more hopeful feeling for right now and for the future. It's made me feel like possibilities are endless for human potential - and for my own potential. 
   
• I have gotten far, far more comfort from watching Cosmos, reading history, experiencing art in its many forms, and learning about science than any church service or sermon has ever given me.
   
• Atheism vastly improved my mental health, whereas attempts to "believe" harmed me mentally and emotionally. 
  
• Religion or attempts at "belief" have never brought me the enjoyment and opportunities for hope and love anywhere near what atheism has. 
  

Of these realities, I have no doubt at all. 

Does your belief in God bring you joy? Or does it make you unhappy because all you see are your supposed shortcomings? Does it give you comfort and strength or does it tell you there is a demon making you unhappy and trying to tempt your family with evil and you need to pray more and study the Bible more? Does it dictate your choice in friends, your choice in books, your choice in music, your choice in what you should enjoy? And do those boundaries bring you joy or give you hope? Are scientific discoveries a challenge to your faith so much so that you feel you have to refute practices that science promotes, like taking vaccines or wearing masks to protect you from an infectious disease - which actually puts you and your family in danger?

Maybe doubt about your God wouldn't be such a bad thing. 

Also see:

• Finding hope
• Magic, Kindness and Hope
• Quotes that comfort
• The power & the glory of hope, WITHOUT a God
• Satanic Suffering
• "Would Satan tempt me through the kindness of macaroni and cheese?"
• The Atheist Response to Tragedy
• Seeking comfort with Mr. Rogers
• Why I love being an atheist

Leaving a religion, losing your family/community

Turning away from your family's religion can come with a very high cost: it can leave a person without family, without friends, without members of their immediate community, perhaps even co-workers as well. Just when a person is in most need of support to handle the upheaval in how they practice their beliefs, they are abandoned by the people they love most.

In this respect, I am so lucky not be from a close-knit family. They all practice a Christian faith - one brother is Catholic, my sister is an evangelical Christian, my Mom goes to a Methodist Church most Sundays, etc. I rarely hear from them. I've gone years without seeing them and more than a year without getting even a phone call from some of them, not because they are angry, but because that's just not my family. And when I decided to admit that I did not believe in God, or Gods, or anything supernatural, I was living on my own and I was financially independent. It didn't come at any family cost to finally admit it to family members when the need arose.

But not everyone has that luxury: they see their families every week, if not every day. The family prays together, talks about what they see is evil - certain kinds of music, certain kinds of food, ways that women might dress, women pursuing careers, certain romantic pairings, women wearing masks, women not wearing masks, etc. - and that talk can make a family member who is doubting the religion, or never believed in it but has never said so, to feel sad, lonely, even desperate. A person may love their family deeply, so much that they keep their mouth shut rather than disappoint or ostracize their family. But that stress weighs heavy on the heart and mind.

In 2020, two young women jumped to their deaths in West Jerusalem, leaving behind a note explaining their choice and noting how their struggles with faith and religion played a role. In short, they preferred death to disappointing their families.

It broke my heart beyond anything I can put into words. I think of all these people out there, either having to live a lie in order to be a part of their families, even their society, to get a job, etc., or "coming out" about their lack of belief in a magical invisible vengeful sometimes, merciful other times super being who ignores the pleas of tortured, dying people but cares deeply in who wins the Super Bowl - and facing ostracism from their families... or worse. What a horrible choice. 

Look around online for an online group for atheists. You might want to join it under a different name than your real name, if you are at all afraid of your family or community finding out. It's a good way to get emotional support and relevant advice for your particular situatuion. 

Read up on the religion of your family. Dig deep into the theology and the history - the real history, not just what your religious book says. Becoming an amateur scholar about the religion of your dominant culture is a great way to both affirm your atheism and to hide your atheism - people will think very highly of your scholarship. I know - it's what I did in the Bible Belt of the USA as a teen. 

If you are feeling desperate about the pressure to conform to the point of considering the ending of your life, please look for a national suicide prevention hotline in your country. In the USA, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. In Canada, call Crisis Services Canada at 1-833-456-4566.

There are specific groups to help people leave specific religious faiths - a group called Footsteps can help those trying to leave the ultra-Orthodox community. There are groups that can help people that want to leave an Amish order. There are groups that help people, particularly young women, leave Mormon communities. There are groups that help people leave Scientology. There are groups that help people leave the Jehovah's Witnesses. Use Google or Duck Duck Go to find those groups and to find their online resources. There are groups for ex-members of all these and many other religious groups - and finding them is relatively easy on 

If safety might be an issue, or you want to make absolutely sure no one in your household can find out what you are reading online, put a password on your computer and your smart phone. You might want to clear the cache after each computer use as well. 

There are far, far more atheists out there than you probably imagine. We're in every community. Sometimes, we're sitting right there are kneeling right there beside you in a church, temple or mosque, going through the motions because it's easier than admitting our truth. I hope knowing that we're everywhere can give you strength on your journey to being able to live your life out in the open, without apology. 

Online secular mindfulness meditation

Join others for an online secular mindfulness meditation led by Rick Heller, followed by a discussion.

To join the meeting, just visit this URL:
https://zoom.us/j/7527417634

No experience is necessary. All welcome!

These meditations have been collected into a book published by New World Library: Secular Meditation: Practices for Cultivating Inner Peace, Compassion, and Joy.

There is an associated Facebook page.

I'm not affiliated with this, FYI. 

Meaningful ways to fill your hours during a pandemic

How are you? I hope someone in your life is asking you that, sincerely. If not - tell me. 

Things are rough for so many people. People haven't paid rent in months because they don't have work. Small businesses are going out of business. Nonprofit art groups are folding. So many, many are struggling. 

Little Miss Privilege here has a home and someone paying her way, since she's under-employed. 

I wish I could help you financially. I can help you if you are feeling useless and bored:

I hope you have made it a point to amplify science-based info, and if you haven't, I hope you will do so. Your voice online is important! You have a role to play right now: countering misinformation online. 

I regularly repost things from my county's health department. I comment positively on those posts as well, to counter all of the negative comments they get - and am pleased that my comments get far more likes than the conspiracy theorists trying to convince people that masks are oppressive and un-American. I also retweet @nursekelsey a lot: she's a trauma ICU nurse and provides regularly updates both about her work experences with COVID-19 patients and how she handles her home life - it's inspirational and the reality check I need. 

I also have been looking up services in my local community that help people with rent, with food or with mental health services, and sharing them on social media. Has it helped anyone? I don't know. But I know that info is needed - and I notice it gets reshared every time I do it. 

I also spend my days writing postcards and emails to elected officials, telling them to GIVE PEOPLE MONEY. And amplifying information about how to volunteer with food banks and Meals on Wheels, nonprofits that are desperate for volunteers. And trying not to get the 'Rona myself. 

I hope you got to see Jupiter and Saturn in one telescope shot, something we've never been able to do before and, if you are my age, won't be able to do again in our lifetime. If you didn't, look around for some other upcoming thing-to-see-in-the-skies. I live in a town where street lights abound and, yet, I still get some pretty good views of astronomical events, if it's not raining. Just throw something down on the ground, lay down and look up at the night sky for a while. Even just 30 minutes. It's amazing what you'll see. 

If you want to take a break from doom scrolling, I highly recommend transcribing some historical documents so you make them more searchable and accessible to everyone, particularly researchers. Some examples of efforts you can join: 

• Climate Cardinals. An international nonprofit working to translate climate change research and information, making the climate movement more accessible to those who don’t speak English. Here's the description of what volunteers do. 
   
• Colored Conventions, hosted at the University of Delaware. From 1830 until the 1890s, already free and once enslaved Black Americans came together in state and national political meetings in the USA called "Colored Conventions." Before the Civil War, they strategized about how to achieve educational, labor and legal justice at a moment when Black rights were constricting nationally and locally. After the Civil War, their numbers swelled as they continued to mobilize to ensure that Black citizenship rights and safety, Black labor rights and land, Black education and institutions would be protected under the law. Online volunteers transcribe newspaper accounts of these meetings,  to allow this historical records to be more easily accessible and searchable for students and scholars across disciplines and for community researchers interested in the history of activist church, civil rights, educational and entrepreneurial engagement. 
   
• DIY History is an online volunteering project from the University of Iowa’s Digital Library. Online volunteers transcribe digitized artifacts related to Iowa history so that they become searchable, allowing researchers to quickly seek out specific information, and general users to browse and enjoy the materials more easily. Scanned documents that need to be transcribed and tagged include diaries, letters and newspaper articles from war time and manuscripts related to early Iowa lives, social justice, fanzines, recipes and cookbooks. 
   
• FamilySearch. Transcribe scanned family records (census records, property deeds, marriage records, etc.). Tags: history, historical. 
   
• Old Weather project: online volunteers transcribe hand-written weather observations made by Royal Navy ships around the time of World War I; using old weather observations can help predict our climate's future. Tags: history, historical, climate, science. 
   
• Smithsonian Digital Volunteer program. The Smithsonian seeks to engage the public in making its collections more accessible. "We're working hand-in-hand with digital volunteers to transcribe historic documents and collection records to facilitate research and excite the learning in everyone." Transcription turns handwritten and typed documents into searchable and machine-readable resources, creating an incredibly valuable asset for art, history, literary and scientific researchers across the globe. From high school to graduate studies, transcription allows students to engage with primary source materials – a key part of the learning experience. Transcription preserves these historic documents for future generations. 
   
• The Freedom on the Move (FOTM) public database project at Cornell University is a major digital database effort to make the search of North American fugitive slave advertisements in newspapers from regional, state, and other collections from the 1700s and 1800s easy to search and the data easy to evaluate. Online volunteers add data tags to the screened entries and transcribe the ads. Here is an excellent article on about the database, from which Dr. Mitchell's quote is taken. 
   
• Indiana World War I Service Record Cards is a project by the Indiana Archives that engages online volunteers in transcribing service record cards that detail the military service of Indiana men and women who served in the armed forces at the time of World War I. It also goes by the name of Indiana Archives and Records Administration Virtual Volunteer Program. 
   
• Library of Congress By the People (crowd.loc.gov). Launched in the autumn of 2018 at the LOC's very first transcribe-a-thon and on the 155th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Online volunteers can transcribe, review and tag digitized images of manuscripts and typed materials from the Library’s collections. These transcriptions improve search, readability and access to handwritten and typed documents for those who are not fully sighted or cannot read the handwriting of the original documents. The site also offers a free guide (PDF) on How to host a transcribe-a-thon (PDF). Note: I wrote the LOC folks on Twitter about all you students wanting letters to confirm you are doing this service. They responded: That's awesome! We have a few spots on our "About" page explaining how to obtain service documentation. e-mailing us at crowd@loc.gov is the best way to get specifics. We provide verification for students all the time! 
   
• New York Public Library's collection of historic restaurant menus. If menus have been transcribed by other volunteers, then online volunteers can review transcriptions for errors, or can geotag the location of restaurants on a global map. 
   
• 1947 Partition Archive is "a grassroots, non-political, 100% volunteer run effort to document and preserve eye witness accounts from the partition of British India into present day India, Pakistan and Bangladesh in 1947." Online volunteers can help with transcription of interviews (many interviews are in English), translation of interviews and other materials from/into Hindi, Punjabi, Bengali, Urdu, Sindhi, and English, video editing, online outreach or legal advice. Tags: history, historic. 
   
• New York Public Library building inspector transcriptions. Online volunteers are helping to annotate digitized insurance atlases that map the history of the city's buildings and streets. Online volunteers can help to draw and check borders of property lines and buildings, enter addresses written on the maps, classify colors, and find place names. "Imagine if maps had a magic switch that let you explore the geography of the past. The Library wants to do this for New York City, turning historical atlases into time machines. To do it we need to harvest all the fantastic detail from the original maps: building footprints, addresses, place names, construction materials etc. — clues that will help unlock a million stories. With this information organized and searchable, you can ask new kinds of questions about history. Peel back the layers of the city and replay its growth. 'Check in' to vanished establishments and meet their ghostly proprietors. Or discover related historical documents (newspapers, photographs, business directories…) linked by place and time." Tags: history, historic. 
   
• Royal British Columbia Museum Transcribe project (Canada). Online volunteers transcribe various collections from the museum, including diaries, government papers, and more. "The transcriptions you create will become searchable data, facilitating learning and research around the world. Whether you choose to transcribe one page, one hundred pages, or just browse our collections, you’re helping us share the stories that matter."  

If you are looking for something inspiring: watch Cosmos. If you have never seen the Cosmos reboot, you should. The second season is showing on Fox now, but if you've missed it, look online for the DVDs of the first season for sale. There are some affordable used ones out there, if money is an issue. I've cried watching almost every episode - it just gives me a feeling of hope and a feeling of being a part of EVERYTHING, in a good way. I hope you find it comforting as well. 

Take care of yourself. You can do this. All the best in 2021.